Navigating Divorce: Real Emotions, Real Growth
Divorce isn’t something most of us see coming when we say, “I do.” And when it does happen, it’s not tidy or easy—it’s raw, messy, and often fueled by anger, resentment, or grief. I know this because I’ve been there, and I didn’t handle it well.
My second divorce was a wake-up call, but not in the way you might think. At the time, I let my emotions take the wheel. I lashed out, made impulsive decisions, and let my pain dictate my actions. Looking back, I can see how much harder I made things for myself. The aftermath didn’t just hurt me—it rippled into every part of my life.
But here’s the thing: no matter how messy it gets, there’s always room to grow, to reflect, and to rebuild—not perfectly, but better. It took me years of hard work, deep self-reflection, and a lot of humility to understand how I could have shown up differently. That’s the work I now do with my clients: helping them navigate their divorce with more awareness, less regret, and a focus on the life waiting for them on the other side.
Embracing the Storm
Divorce brings up the kind of emotions that make you question your own sanity. One moment, you’re furious; the next, you’re drowning in sadness or consumed by guilt. It’s okay to feel all of it—every ounce of anger, heartbreak, and fear. What matters is how you channel it.
Here’s the truth: you can’t control your ex. You can’t rewrite what’s already happened. But you can control how you show up, even when it feels like your world is falling apart. Start by asking yourself:
- What kind of person do I want to be in this process?
- How do I want to look back on this chapter a year from now?
- What is my intention for the outcome of my divorce?
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about making choices—imperfect, human choices—that reflect your values and keep you moving toward the life you want.
The Power of Awareness
When I work with clients, one of the first things we focus on is awareness. Divorce has a way of making you feel like a puppet—your emotions pulling the strings. But the moment you become aware of what’s driving your reactions, you regain some control.
Start by noticing patterns. Do you lash out in emails or texts? Do you replay the same argument in your head, over and over? Awareness doesn’t mean fixing everything at once. It means taking a breath and asking, Is this how I want to respond?
Sometimes, just pausing is enough to shift the trajectory of a conversation or a decision.
Learning to See Beyond the Now
In the thick of divorce, it’s hard to imagine a future that doesn’t feel like this. The pain is sharp, the emotions overwhelming, and the uncertainty unbearable. But here’s a truth that took me years to understand, this is a season, not a lifetime.
Even when it feels impossible, try to picture a version of yourself a year or two from now. What kind of life do you want to wake up to? What do you want for your children, your home, your peace of mind?
That vision won’t ease the pain or erase the past, but it can give you a direction. Every decision you make—no matter how small—can move you closer to that future or further from it.
Practical Steps for the Journey
Divorce isn’t just emotional; it’s practical, too. And those practical decisions can feel overwhelming when you’re already running on empty. Here are a few steps to keep you grounded:
- Create a support system. Whether it’s a coach, therapist or trusted friends, surround yourself with people who can offer guidance without judgment.
- Get organized. Start gathering financial documents, understanding your assets, and making lists of what matters most to you.
- Pause before reacting or taking action. Not every message needs an immediate response. Give yourself time to process before you reply.
- Set boundaries. Decide what you will and won’t tolerate and stick to it. Boundaries differ from walls and are an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
- Focus on self-care. It sounds cliché, but you can’t make good decisions when you’re running on fumes. Rest, nourish yourself, and take moments of calm where you can find them.
A Chance to Rebuild
Divorce will test you in ways you never imagined, but it can also teach you. I didn’t understand that at first. I thought divorce was something to get through, to survive. What I’ve learned—and what I help others see—is that it’s also an opportunity.
It’s a chance to reflect on how you want to show up in life, not just during the process, but long after it’s over. It’s a chance to rebuild—not perfectly, not without missteps—but with intention.
If you’re in the thick of it right now, I see you. I know how hard it is. And I also know that you’re stronger than you think. You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s working with a coach, leaning on a therapist, or just taking that first small step, help is here when you’re ready.
Because this isn’t just the end of something—it’s the beginning of everything you’re meant for.
Love and Light,
Michèle Heffron
Getting to the Heart - Who You Are and What You're Meant For
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